Step 3
Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
This step has had me at a stand still for weeks. Had me questioning my ability to truly do this program and honestly do the steps, not just the easy ones.
I don't believe in God, I do believe in the Creator, but that isn't the God most people think of when you say God, my Creator isn't in the Christian religion, or any other well known religion for that matter. The Creator I know and trust is in the universe, is the universe.
The Creator I have faith in isn't judging, threatening, or a punisher. There is no sin in the religion I have faith in, there is right and wrong. There is no heaven or hell, no promise of a better life after you die, if you behave while you're alive. In fact there are no promises. If you do wrong, wrong will visit you when you least want it, the bigger the wrong you commit the bigger the wrong you will experience.
My Creator doesn't expect the surrender of your will, it is expected that you follow and live in the light of your own free will. It is expected that you live the life, walk the walk and talk the talk willingly. And I do.
I may have forgotten, or lost sight of the forrest for the trees. I may have stepped off the path, and found myself on a dark and destructive path that was hard to find my way out of, but when I did step back into the light, I realized I truly hadn't lost my faith, just misplaced it, kind of like forgetting a golf club on the 3rd hole. If you left you name on it chances are it will be returned.
In my faith if you walk the walk, talk the talk and always seek the light, you will receive what you need, without even asking. However if you do ask for help achieving what you need and give thanks knowing your needs will be met, it seems my needs are filled faster.
I did so many things to avoid this step, I got my home group, 2 of them in fact, and I got my sponsor. I have written things down, looked deep in myself and asked questions until I was sure people were going to tell me to sit down and shut up. Then a nice hot shower cleared my eyes, pushed a few trees to the side, and allowed me to see, remember and actually feel the warmth from the glow of my long lost faith.
When that epiphany hit I thought I had done both steps 2 and 3. Alas I am not that lucky. Hence turning my attention to things I could achieve.
After reading and re-reading step 3 over and over again. After asking every question I could think of. After fighting hard to keep my own will, I am finally ready and able to admit I have no life without my faith and only with the help and guidance of my Creator, will I ever be able to live a sober happy life.
I have figured out I don't have to surrender, my sense of self, or who I am, I simply need to allow my Creator guide me and to trust that the path he lays out for me will lead me into the light of a good life.
I have made the decision to turn over my will and life over to the care of God as I understand him.
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