Six Months

  On July 9th I celebrated 6 months sober.

   I am still on the road to recovery and it sounds like I will always be on that road. Interesting fact, I quit smoking 18 yrs ago, I can't tell you the exact day, I didn't need to attend meetings and therapy, I didn't need to find God, I just read a book and by the end of it I was done smoking. No recovery program no long term group and individual therapy, just a book and the actual desire to quit. Only alcohol seems to have such a strong hold on me that I need help almost on a daily basis to not drink.

  At 6 months I still deal with residual health issues left over from abusing alcohol, but they are minor and are easily handled. The damage I did to my heart was a shocker, but even that is repairable with time and exercise.

     I don't exactly crave or want a drink daily, but I do deal with the " you can't" on a daily basis. My personality is one that actually craves whatever you tell me I can't have or do. The more I am told No the more my mind says YES!

  At 6 months I am armed with the knowledge that one drink will never be enough. For me there is never enough and death or being locked up are the only ways I will stop if I have that " It's only 1 drink what can it hurt" drink. Picking up is a death sentence for me, in so many ways and not just to my health or the damage the alcohol would waste no time on inflecting.

  So at 6 months I go to the meetings with a much more open mind and a willingness that surprises me and my friends. I enjoy the hour of being me and letting my guard down without worry of judgement or embarrassment. 

  I am still working the steps, I am still on 4,5, and 6. I have a need to understand things, to know exactly what is expected of me, and for these steps it has taken me some time to figure all that out. I believe I now have it figured out, at least enough to move forward with them and to be able to do them fully, correctly, and honestly. 

   Honesty, I think while the only requirement for AA is the desire to quit drinking, the most important requirement for the steps is to do them honestly. Without that there is no point. Most of the steps are between me and my God so no one would ever really know if I didn't fully do them, but lying to myself is only going to lead to a drink that trulyI don't want.

  Spiritual awakening, not exactly sure I have experienced  that, I hear about it a lot, and I understand the concept, but I wouldn't call what I am going through a spiritual awakening. My God as I understand him, is my Creator. I believe the power is there and around us at all times, I have no concept of what my Creator looks like, I like to imagine it is in the trees, sky sun, moon, and the earth we walk on. While I don't believe I have had the awakening, I have forgiven, relented, or given up my resentment of The Creator. I have finally asked for help and forgiveness for all the damage I have caused. 

  Step 4

    Made a searching and fearless Moral inventory of our selves.

   There are chapters explaining this step, and there are opinions galore about how to handle this step, all of it confusing the bleep out of me, until the day I sat down by myself and just read the step itself, without explanations, or opinions. What seemed so daunting now just seemed simple. I had a few months back started a list of my faults, defects, whatever you want to call them, but it seemed so frivolous and self serving in a way that wasn't helpful I stopped writing the list. To be perfectly honest it was frivolous and much less than honest. On the list I had all the obvious faults, all the expected faults, but not the real ones not the ones that deep down actually make me a less than a stellar person, nope those I was holding close to my chest. Not because I wanted to keep them, but because I didn't want to admit to them.Resentment, that was my biggie, my I am never giving this up(step 6) defect. If I admitted I held resentments of others, no matter whose fault the resentment stemmed from, then I would have to give up the resentments. I would have to let them go and live my life without them, and somehow I wasn't sure I could do that. Come to find out, admitting it and letting them go is easier than it sounds. 

  Step 4 is an on going step, a step the requires daily action. It isn't hard once you get the hang of it and for me getting past my past is making it easier for me to live a life of peace and contentment. Please don't get me wrong, I am not saying everything is perfect now and life is all chocolate and sunflowers, but the unburdening of resentments I have held for years has indeed allowed me to breath easier and to move forward. Living life with a strong sense of right and wrong and knowing I am doing my best to make the right choices each and every day, does let me stand taller, walk straighter, and find a contentment in my life I haven't known in a good long while.

 That brings us to step # 5. I have really only done a portion of step 5. Except to a certain extent I have just made a bit of headway into the step. Simply by admitting here that my biggest fault or moral imperfection is holding resentments against others,I am working step 5. True not exactly as the step is intended, but this writing has actually made understanding step 5 a lot easier.

 Step 5

  "Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs." 

    So a confession of my sins right? Maybe, I guess, I really don't know. What I do know is I have talked to my Creator, and in doing that have also admitted to myself exactly how I am wrong, to the best of my ability.

  Finding another human being, that is where I falter. I have confessed so to speak to my therapist, but somehow I don't think that counts. For one your therapist isn't going to keep you honest, and they will explain and excuse away every moral defect you bring up. Finding the person that will listen, keep you honest and at the same time understand is the trickiest part of this step. For some it is a priest, or someone they will never see again, for others it is their sponsor, or just another friendly face in AA, or even a complete stranger, for me other than my therapist I am still hesitant to let my secrets go. I know once I do it will be like ripping a dirty old bandaid off and letting a wound see the light of day and heal, but still I resist.

Step 6

  "We are entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character."

 I am ready at least part of my brain tells me I am, but the other part is pulling on the reins going hold your horses, ole girl, until you completely, honestly and freely do step 5 you are not ready. The other part of my brain the part that is always in a hurry and just wants to get things finished, pouts but agrees and shuts up. Yes you truly never want to be inside my head, not even for a minute, it is always chaotic and confusing.

 Just because I have stalled on these steps, doesn't mean I have been sitting around just waiting for the journey to come to me, oh no I have been getting out there and finding the journey. As corny as it sounds it has been a delightful journey full of challenges, changes, discoveries, and a new sense of freedom I have never known.

  I volunteer in both the groups I call home groups, for different activities and when they let me I speak. My favorite of course is going out and speaking it is a very satisfying way to give it away. When I speak I don't prepare, I just show up and speak, so what I happen to be feeling or living through is what you get, to me that is giving it away. 

  I am very much enjoying myself being sober. I will never understand the pull of alcohol and being drunk, because I hated the out of control feeling, the lack of being able to do the simplest task and worse of all the total lack of memory. Even now I thank Netflix once in a while for reminding me I already watched that movie in 2019. I still watch it anyway and it is like watching for the first time. I do know I enjoyed the blackout, the curtain slowly coming down blocking out all the anger, hurt and pain I held on to like a shield, but now even that seems like something out of a novel that I would read and say, why would I do that to myself. Yet somehow with all that knowledge and a few months sober, I know if the timing was just right and I wasn't on my guard I would pick up drink and never look back.

  Alcohol - Cunning, Baffling, and Powerful, without help it is too much for me.

   For today, I am grateful, Sober, and my journey will continue.

  

  

The ,journey continues.

  Yes my journey is still journeying. I got stuck on the 4th step of my 12 steps, still stuck actually, but not stuck on my recovery.

   The 12 steps and a higher power aren't the only way to help yourself get and stay sober. No there is also the part that I think is as important if not more important and that is the service work.

   I have done a few things, but nothing large scale. I have done a month of greeting at one of the meetings I attend. I actually had a lot of fun doing that. So far that is the only meeting that even has a greeter. I think the greeter is a nice touch and really does help those unsure or afraid to go ahead and come in and give it a try. 

  I chaired one meeting in April on my 90 day anniversary. I have signed up to chair a few meetings in May, and I even stepped up to be the monthly speaker for the meeting. It will be interesting to see what I come up with to say. I never pre write or prepare for these things, I feel off the cuff is more real, more me. Either way I am excited to do this, nervous too.

  At the business meeting I volunteered to go and speak at a rehab next month. This is something I have been looking forward to almost since leaving the Haven. You don't get paid, you don't get anything, except the satisfaction of knowing you may have reached and helped at the very least one person. And some how it seems to help you too. 

 Ever since I attended a speaker meeting in rehab that had me wanting to punch walls and kick doors down. Had me in tears, slamming doors and hiding in my room, I have wanted to become a speaker. I don't know what I will say at any given time, but I know what I will never say. I learned a lot that day, and I plan to use it. 

   My journey has been an emotional one to say the least. I'm guessing that means I'm on the right road. In the big book it mentions often that newly sober people are emotional. I am at times more emotional than I want to be. The words basket case do come to mind more often than not.  

  I often describe this journey as a roller coaster ride. I have very big highs and even bigger lows and like a rollercoaster there doesn't seem to be any in between. You are up or you are down, or worse you are being twisted around and upside down with no idea of how you will land, up or down. Todays roller coaster car seems to have come with brakes, weak ones to be sure but brakes. I was at the top of the highest peak of the ride, I could see everything, and it was wonderful, no sunshine and rainbows shooting out my bum, but still wonderful. Then very gently my car started to rock, I noticed it but brushed it aside like I hadn't noticed, the rocking it got less gentle, and I could no longer ignore I was about to go one another of those unwanted and unfun rides. I hate these rides, I shake, I can't breath, I cry, and I make stupid choices. I simply don't know how to stop it, to keep my car at the top or at least near the top. I just don't want to be at that place where I would rather the shades be pulled down and darkness abound. I am not a fan of that place or the person I am in that place. At this moment in time I seem to be slowing my car down, I am not plummeting, I am getting a chance to look around and see where the ride I am on is going. Still scary but so much better than the free fall, with a hard landing.

  Looking forward to the service work has slowed my car down I am sure. Asking myself some hard but real questions, and answering myself has helped the brakes grab hold too. The real trick would be to get my car to level out, no up or down. As boring as that may sound to some, to me an emotional balance would be heaven on a popsicle stick. 

  This past month has been an interesting and challenging month over and above the emotional rollercoaster. I have caught myself more than once reaching for a drink I saw sitting on a table. Craving almost drooling over a bottle of something I really don't care for. Just last night I found myself sitting in the parking lot of a church debating if I was going to go to the liquor store or go to AA. I went to AA. The what I want to do, and amount of sober time I need to do it, won out over the self pity and destructive behavior that is my alcoholism. I sat at the meeting admitted to the room I was just about to drink rather than come to the meeting, and I left with a happier heart, a stronger will and more services to look forward too. Services I can only do if I am sober. 

  There are those that gate keep service work, putting unrealistic time limits and terms on the services, so no newly sober person can achieve them. Those gate keepers deprive others from a very important ingredient in helping people to get sober. The reasoning behind gate keeping is often selfish and prideful( a word I never in a million years thought I would ever use.) they truly believe only they are good enough for these services right down to reading certain parts of the big book. Disappointing and as frustrating as this is, I can't change it, so, I need to accept it. With a grain of salt to be sure but accept. Accepting doesn't mean I am without options, because I do have choices, I can choose to make a scene, or sit quietly and stew, or I can choose other meetings where the gate keeping isn't an option. As you have already read I do have meetings where supporting the new comer is key.

  This journey is changing me, and at times I am rebelling against that change. I am not always happy being the nice one, the calm one, the one at fault. That last one about being at fault is my biggest rebelling point. I am not always at fault. At times yes but not always. I am allowed to be angry, hurt, or disturbed, not always but there are times when those emotions can be mine. Resentment, we been talking about this one for a while now in some of my different classes and it is the one emotion I understand why I am better off letting of anyway I can. I am going to say I am still working on this, but improving.

  As I said the journey continues, I am growing, learning, and changing, and even on this rollercoaster of emotions I am beginning to enjoy my life the way I have always hoped I would.

  118 days sober, thank you for joining me on this journey, it makes it easier to know I am not alone.

  

Still On the Journey

  I have begun step 4. We are not going to talk about step 4. There will come a day for that, but today isn't it.

   Let's talk about what sober living feels like at 90 days for me. For me it is ....... frustrating. The first time I took this journey, I didn't take THIS journey. I didn't do the work, I didn't think I needed to, I thought I am an adult I can do this on my own. By 90 days I was already done with therapy and no longer attending AA. I was doing nothing to ensure my sobriety, I just assumed that all I needed to do was get sober and that would be that. After all in my mind I was not the average alcoholic, oh no no not at all, I was above average and didn't even start drinking until I was almost middle aged and hadn't been drinking that long. I just got carried away, but now that I have quit I will be fine and I don't need all that other stuff.

    Welp we see just how average I actually am. I am a garden verity alcoholic that can not control her drinking at all. Yes I have a home, I didn't lose anything but my pride, I didn't go into debt to drink, or lose a job, I also was always drunk, morning, noon and night. All I had to do is pick up that first drink and the roller coaster ride would begin. And I did, I picked up that first drink, then the second and quickly the third followed, soon it was a bottle and I didn't even need a glass. For no other reason than I am an alcoholic. An average run of the mill alcoholic. There is nothing special about me, nothing that makes me less of an alcoholic, or a better one for that matter. I, just like every other alcoholic can not drink, no matter what.

  I mention the roller coaster. Heres the fun part, you don't get off the roller coaster when you get sober. Nope it still goes up, down, around and around and even up side down. You now get to learn how to ride the ride sober. At the beginning of the sober ride, where I am, right now, the ride is not exactly enjoyable, it's scary, frustrating, and aggravating. 

    Imagine being a grown adult and finding out when it comes to the most basic thing in life, living life sober, you know nothing and in fact are a child, hell not even, you're a toddler just learning to walk.  Figuring out and accepting that fact was the first of many downward tracks on my roller coaster. It is like, you were sitting comfortably on a top peak looking around enjoying the view, and BAM you're speeding down the tracks with no brakes and no idea where you will land.  But land you do, in a mud puddle of confusion, resistance, sometimes even anger. It seems like it takes forever to work your way through all the mud and muck and make your way back up to the peak again. So far I do make it back up to the top, but not without help and guidance along the way. 

   I even get a little longer stay on the peak each time I make it back up there. The twist and turns they still keep coming though and they are tuff to handle, they cause melt downs, moments of no confidence and they always hold the question " Why Me?" There really isn't an answer to that, there is a solution, and it is a simple one, that seems almost impossible to do. Stop asking the question and except that it is you. Funny when you do stop and except this fact, things seem less stressful and less impossible. Accepting that " why me" isn't a productive question to ask or dwell on, doesn't stop the roller coaster, but it does slow it down on the curves. Allowing the ride to become a little bit of fun.

    The big book talks about people coming into the rooms and seeing happy laughing people, sober people, and the book tells you if you want that, you can have it too. It doesn't tell you just how much work it takes and that the happiness is not immediate. There are mentions of balking at the requirements needed to get and stay sober, but no actual warning that the happiness and contentment come with time and only if you work at it. Maybe the work is why so many have to try this getting sober thing, more than once.

  Right now resentment and anger are driving me crazy. Not that I have a lot if any, but that I am not allowed to have any, well that sends me into fits of resistance. In the past week I can't count how many times I have asked myself and others " Why the hell am I doing this? I should just get a drink and get over it." That sentence is a perfect example of why I can't hold on to anger or resentments. That knowledge doesn't make letting go of either of those reactions or emotions any easier. I never realized just how easy it was to get angry over nothing, or to resent people for things they have never done. I also never realized just how quickly anger or resentment can lead to a drink. For someone like me where a drink is always the answer for anything, good bad or indifferent, I can be led even easier than most people.

    While I am not taking bows for my 90 days sober I also am not taking it lightly. Yes most days I am struggling, sometimes with the desire to drink, other times with my emotions that are on a totally different roller coaster, that has no brakes and as far as I can tell no driver, there are moments each day when the vail lifts and I see exactly what it is I am working for and just how attainable it really is. Every day the vail lifts for a longer period of time, some days even long enough for me to feel just what I am working for. 

  Being sober at the 90 day marker, is not a picnic, or a walk in the park. If you were to think of this as the 7 stages of grief  I would be at anger no doubt. That is actually good news, not the anger, but, that grief ends and happiness finds it way back into your life. 

My Journey Continues, Step 3

                              Step 3

 Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

  This step has had me at a stand still for weeks. Had me questioning my ability to truly do this program and honestly do the steps, not just the easy ones. 

   I don't believe in God, I do believe in the Creator, but that isn't the God most people think of when you say God, my Creator isn't in the Christian religion, or any other well known religion for that matter. The Creator I know and trust is in the universe, is the universe.

  The Creator I have faith in isn't judging, threatening, or a punisher. There is no sin in the religion I have faith in, there is right and wrong. There is no heaven or hell, no promise of a better life after you die, if you behave while you're alive. In fact there are no promises. If you do wrong, wrong will visit you when you least want it, the bigger the wrong you commit the bigger the wrong you will experience. 

 My Creator doesn't expect the surrender of your will, it is expected that you follow and live in the light of your own free will. It is expected that you live the life, walk the walk and talk the talk  willingly. And I do.

  I may have forgotten, or lost sight of the forrest for the trees. I may have stepped off the path, and found myself on a dark and destructive path that was hard to find my way out of, but when I did step back into the light, I realized I truly hadn't lost my faith, just misplaced it, kind of like forgetting a golf club on the 3rd hole. If you left you name on it chances are it will be returned.

 In my faith if you walk the walk, talk the talk and always seek the light, you will receive what you need, without even asking. However if you do ask for help achieving what you need and give thanks knowing your needs will be met, it seems my needs are filled faster.

  I did so many things to avoid this step, I got my home group, 2 of them in fact, and I got my sponsor. I have written things down, looked deep in myself and asked questions until I was sure people were going to tell me to sit down and shut up. Then a nice hot shower cleared my eyes, pushed a few trees to the side, and allowed me to see, remember and actually  feel the warmth from the glow of my long lost faith.

   When that epiphany hit I thought I had done both steps 2 and 3. Alas I am not that lucky. Hence turning my attention to things I could achieve. 

  After reading and re-reading step 3 over and over again. After asking every question I could think of. After fighting hard to keep my own will, I am finally ready and able to admit I have no life without my faith and only with the help and guidance of my Creator, will I ever be able to live a sober happy life. 

   I have figured out I don't have to surrender, my sense of self, or who I am, I simply need to allow my Creator guide me and to trust that the path he lays out for me will lead me into the light of a good life.

    I have made the decision to turn over my will and life over to the care of God as I understand him.

   

      

More of my Journey

  Not everyday is sunshine and rainbows. In fact more than a few days are cloudy and unclear. This is true for just about everyone, but even more so for an Alcoholic.

  I'm on step 3 of the 12 step program, and I am struggling with it. This is one you maintain rather than say or do once and it is done. So I am taking my time figuring it and my higher power out. I know my higher power, I am just not good at the daily prayers or trusting anyone to guide me into a better life, even a higher power.

   So today I am not sharing how I have done step 3 because I am not there yet. Today I am going to share what no one ever talks about. The day to day when you are alone with yourself. I want to talk about the BIG let downs. The sadness, the self loathing, the questioning and most of all the loneliness.

  Yes more days are good and up, then aren't, but no one talks about the hard days. They come up without warning and smack you like a wet towel across your rear. Sometimes it is barely noticeable and others sting for a minute while others feel like they are going to leave a bruise and the sting last for days.

  For example, last night was the dance. For months I had been looking forward to getting back to it. Last night I did get back to it. I hated it. It was nice hugging and seeing friends I only see at the dance, it was fun dancing, it was easy not to drink, well until the Jello experience was announced to be open in the kitchen. I stayed on the dance floor, but I saw the line into the kitchen and I was tempted, but I just kept dancing. Still I hated it, deep, actually not so deep down I was just empty. It felt like I was on the outside looking in, like I didn't fit anymore. I smiled, I pretended, I laughed and acted like it was all perfect, I kept on keeping on, but I was very happy when it was time to go home. That is what I call a big let down. 

  I have noticed this time around my perky is missing. It is like eeyore has come to visit and doesn't want to leave. 

 Again I have to say not everyday is like this. In fact most days aren't like this. It is just there are those days. No real explanation as to why and certainly no warning, they just happen.

  It seems the best way to handle these kind of days is to let them happen. Remind myself these days don't last forever. Most importantly, push through them the best I can. Even small things like going outside, or writing a journal can be enough to help bring me to the end of tunnel and back into the light. Most importantly I can't give in or give up. That would mean my life would be over.

 Like snowflakes no two alcoholics are alike. We all share some of the same experiences, some of the same pit falls, we even share some of the same shame, but we aren't all alike. We all have different stories to tell, reasons we drink, and what we feel inside, (what we pretty much don't tell) is different for each and everyone of us. Even how we handle the disease is different for each of us. What works for one won't work for another and so on. For me I once drank to chase the high, now I drink to escape, to die without actually dying. 

  I have once or twice made the attempt to just end it, it seems I am not really willing or ready to end my life. I am just not willing to give up yet, but I don't seem to be able to stop the thoughts from coming unwilling into my brain. That is my journey, my trial, my hump to get over, not every alcoholic deals with those kind of thoughts, because they drink for totally different reasons and have their own thoughts. To be sure though every alcoholic is fighting their own demons on a daily basis. 

  I have no real answers, all I can do is try. Today my demons are very loud inside my head. I can tell you it makes concentrating hard. It is also extremely annoying. Making me less than pleasant to be around. 

  Tomorrow will be better I am sure, and if not tomorrow the next day. The saying is "One day at a time", for me I prefer "For now". So for now I will stay sober, get off the couch and do something even if it is something as dull as getting the floors mopped. Anything to drown out the negative thoughts, and that let's me get back to actually living my life.

 Everyone has bad days, it is a part of life. For alcoholics bad days are a trap. Bad days can lead to bad choices. Only if you let them, only if you let them. 

 

My Journey Step 2

   I am ashamed before the earth;

   I am ashamed before the heavens ;

  I am ashamed before the dawn;

  I am ashamed before the evening twilight;

  I am ashamed before the blue sky;

  I am ashamed before the sun;

  I am ashamed before that standing within me which speaks with me.

  Some of these things are always looking at me. I am never out of sight.

  Therefore I must tell the truth.

  I hold my word tight to my breast. 

        Old Torlino Navajo priest of "hozonihatal"

               Step 2

   "Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity."

   Sober, that is how I want to live my life. Sober happy and as well adjusted as I can possibly be. Turns out I can have all that, I am told as long as I do the work. 

  Part of that work is the 12 steps. Everyone knows about them, even if they don't know exactly what they are and just exactly how important they are to a recovering alcoholic. I am an alcoholic and until recently I really didn't realize how important the steps are in successfully recovering and staying recovered from this most dreaded disease. 

 So I am going to do the work. The first step to admit you are powerless and your life is unmanageable. I have done that. When it comes to alcohol I have NO power, it calls I run.

  Step one was easy really. There is no denying my addiction and my inability to manage it. The second step is so much harder. The higher power, and the free use of the word God were sending me into fits of confusion and worry. I am not sure I believe in God as organized religion presents him. In fact I know I don't believe in that God. I have many reasons but there really isn't any reason to go into all that, sufficed to say I was afraid I was going to fail before I even got started. 

  Thank goodness for people in both AA and my IOP classes willing to have these conversations with me without being insulted or running out of patience. Everyone had their own opinions and many were different, but one message kept coming through, even if I was having a hard time grasping it. " Your higher power can be anything you want or need it to be" Door knobs and light fixtures have been used as examples of things that could inspire someone. " God as you understand him" is also used a lot in helping people understand this step and others.

  Nothing was making sense to me. I simply don't believe there is a God watching our every move. Sitting up in the heavens looking down going " Okay today Tom is going to FAFO, and then in a week or so I will save him from himself" or " Okay Joan is going to not pick up a drink today."  If you think about it, for those that believe in the bible and organized religion, they can't believe God is guiding their every move either. Since it is taught that God gave everyone free will, and the knowledge to know right from wrong.

  As you see, this "believe  a power greater than me can restore my sanity" is really something I am/ was struggling with.

  Struggling, that is until today. There was no way a door knob or anything like that would be a higher power for me, but I want a higher power, I want a way to have faith and find joy in it. I want the contentment I see in others who have faith in something and believe that faith will see them into the sober life they want to live. 

   You gotta love a shower, a nice hot lazy shower. I get some of my best ideas in the shower, I really do. Today was no different, I was enjoying a slow  un rushed hot shower. My mind was wandering no where in particular, when out of no where it hit me, I knew my higher power, I always knew my higher power, it has been with me all along. I had just forgotten, I had gotten so far from myself and my own beliefs that I forgot just how good believing can feel. I jumped out of the shower wrapped a towel around myself and ran into the living room and my shelf of books. I was so afraid I had gotten rid of the book that was more like a bible to me than the bible ever was. I hadn't, it was there on the shelf. As soon as I put my hand on that book I felt the contentment, the ease of pressure in my chest, and the realization there is a power that truly can and will help me live a sober sane and manageable life.

  The book, "American Indian Prose and Poetry " The Winged Serpent An Anthology 

  Edited by  Margot Astrov.

 This book is full of stories of different Indian tribes and stories of their beliefs as well as songs of praise and prayers. 

  The book isn't actually my higher power but a tool to help me walk beside and talk to my higher power. To remind me to be thankful and grateful for all that Mother earth, father sun and Grandmother moon give us. Most importantly to remind me the creator of all good things created me too. I'm a part of this world and I don't have to fight this fight alone. 

 Step 2

 I have come to believe there is a power greater than me that can and will restore me to sanity.  

My Journey!

  It started years ago, my journey. Long before I even knew I was on one. Everyone has a story to tell, I'm no different. Not in a million years would I have believed this was going to be my story.

  I am an Alcoholic. This was news to me, I was the last one to know in fact. I was 63 years old when the devastating news was dropped on me. The news that I wasn't wired the same as others and I could never drink again. I didn't take kindly to the news, in fact I didn't really believe it. After all for years I had very little interest in alcohol. I could take it or leave it. Mostly I opted to leave it. Then something changed.

 Not over night, not even in a month or a year, but so gradually you didn't even notice the change. Again I was the last to see, I was completely unaware of the change, the new and not improved personality that alcohol was giving me. Looking back now, I wonder why it took so long for my life to implode. 

 At the age of 45 I was free to drink, before that I had obligations and responsibilities, that were better handled sober. Even after I was free to drink and my social surroundings had changed to be more alcohol friendly I was slow to join in, but once I did it didn't take long for the alcohol to take hold and rule my world. Weekend cocktails, became before dinner drinks and after dinner night caps quickly followed. Drinking soon became my biggest hobby, next to getting and finding people to drink with me so I would feel like I had permission.I was like a teenager with the key to my parents liquor cabinet and they were on a never ending vacation. 

  At 63 I entered rehab of my own free will, and I hated every single minute of it. Detoxing was a bitch that packed a hell of a punch. I was like so many others when I entered rehab I was knocking at deaths door and I seemed determined to get an answer. After 14 days in the protected bubble I reentered the real world, believing I was cured and I would never drink and do that to myself again. 

 For 4 years I didn't drink. It was so easy, I didn't crave it, I didn't miss it and it didn't bother me when others drank, not drinking didn't seem to be that big of a deal. I convinced myself I really wasn't an Alcoholic. After all I was already in my 60's when I had that "bad reaction" to alcohol, I had drank for 20 yrs socially without it becoming a problem, and before that I didn't really even drink socially choosing to leave it be, so how could I be an alcoholic?

 It is with complete openness that I say I had no good reason to pick up a drink after 4 years, and no excuse either. I simply wanted a drink. I was having a pity party with myself because because I wanted to be like other adults and party like them. I felt after 4 years sober I had proved to myself and others that I could handle it. That I would be able to drink responsibly, I did, for a little while, drink responsibly. It was, only while we were out, only one, always a mixed drink, a fun drink, never that dreaded straight shot of vodka. Then without my actually noticing I was sneaking to the liquor store getting the little shooter bottles, next it was pints, and then fifths, then I was standing in my closet drinking vodka straight, straight from the bottle.Wondering just how the hell did I get here.

  Back to rehab I went. A 10 day stay this time. A different rehab with a different style. This rehab wants you to answer that question. The " How the hell did I get here" question.

  They take you through all your childhood trauma and any that you may have experienced in recent years, they lay it bare on the table for you to poke through and to relive and to try and deal with in a sober manner. While I was being given tools to help me deal soberly with my traumas I realized whatever my traumas old or new I had been handling them sober for most of my life including the past 4 yrs. My traumas while issues I need to deal with, are not the reason I picked up that damn drink. They are not the answer to "How the hell did I get here."  Being honest with myself I don't have an answer. I simply don't know.

  So many friends would like to say that now the "here" is me sober. That I need to be proud, and realize my achievements. What they don't know what they can't know is my "how the hell did I get here" is always right by my side. Always whispering, always enticing, always begging me to come back.

 Finding the means to quiet that whisper has taken me so deep inside myself. A lot of the time I don't like what I see. I can't back away I can't run, I have to face it, what ever "it" is I need to face it down to see it to understand it. 

 Returning to the rooms isn't a choice it is a need. I have come to accept that without the daily reminder to watch my step I will trip and fall. It pisses me off to admit I can't beat this myself, that I can't just bury it deep inside and forget about it. 

 I hate admitting that I am powerless against Alcohol, but I am. This admission doesn't make this the end of my story, but the beginning of a journey to make my story better.

  

Boat Love Act 1 scene 2

   As the curtains open the ships announcer is heard saying, Ladies and Gentlemen the main lounge is now open for our 1st night aboard meet and greet cocktail party. All decks are welcome to enjoy the festivities.

Tables are set up in a colorfully lit room ( not brightly lit, more like a night club) With brightly colored table cloths, and a candle in the center of each table. Gathered around the tables and standing about the room are a few cast members with no lines. In the front of the stage are PB&J, Julie Mcoy, Adam Bricker,  Annette, Alan Price All dressed casual cocktail,(no jeans) Soft music is being played in the corner, everyone has a plate, and glass and napkin in hand or in front of them. 

 Paul ( the room at large) Well hello all, I might as well break the ice and be the first to speak. I am Paul and this pretty lady standing here next to me is Betty. We are Paul and Betty James, but I like to call us PB&J, ( snort chuckle) get it PB&J peanut butter and Jel......

 Betty( not amused but not upset) Oh Paul enough already, are you going to tell that stale ole joke to everyone you meet? Pretty soon your gonna turn it into a toast.( Head down, but smiling as she raises her eyes slightly to see if anyone caught the puns)

Julie ( Laughing outright) I think Mr P you just got out joked.

 Paul ( amused, proud of his wife) Yes, I do believe you are right. Well done Mrs B ( with a quick smile at Julie) well done indeed.

Alan Price ( Open shirt and gold chains, looking completely lost) Joke, what joke.( everyone looks at him with disbelief some hide a laugh behind their hands) (Alan looking at everyone even more confused) No really what joke?

 Betty, Yes I am Betty James and you all are ( looking around at the small group gathered.) ( each introduces themselves, starting with Alan and Julie) Betty- (Smiling) Well it is a pleasure to meet all of you. This is my first time on a ship, my first big vacation actually. I am so excited I just don't know what to expect.

 Julie- Oh cruising is a wonderful way to see the world and relax while you do it. Although that isn't exactly true for this cruise is it. It truly is a unique cruise, I have never heard of one like this and I have been on hundreds of cruises.

Annette ( Pretending to be bored, and slightly disbelieving) Really 100's of cruises? 

 Julie ( Chuckle, visible not heard) Yes, 100's actually it may be in the 1000's.

 Annette ( Snarky) Yeah not likely, how could anyone as young as you been on that many cruises?

 Julie ( slight smile) Thank you, how very nice of you to say, but I am not that young. I have to say both you and Mrs B are wearing some gorgeous pieces of Jewelry. They shimmer so brightly when the light hits them.

 Annette ( Looking down to see what she is wearing) Oh yes, I have a good deal of jewels but this set is one of my favorites. The stones are very rare, it is almost impossible to find Star Sapphires as clear and defined as these. They are so old and so beautiful even if they didn't have the diamonds surrounding it.

Betty( touching her ears, a little embarrassed after hearing about the sapphires) Oh these, Mr P got these for me, on our 30th anniversary. I just love the color red and these Rubies are the biggest reddest stones I ever saw. I just love them, I wear them way more often than I should, but 

 Paul, Now now, lets not bore everyone with your jewelry wish list, and believe you me I see that coming plain as day, Mrs B ( Laughs and pulls Betty into a loving hug)

 Adam ( having paid close attention to the conversation about jewels, quietly chimes in) Mrs B those rubies are indeed stunning. The workmanship is first class, it is no wonder they sparkle like they do. As a jeweler I do love fine workmanship. So Mr Price what do you do for a living? I notice you also enjoy gold jewelry, but please don't let me get started on jewels and gold or I will never get off the subject, and I am here to relax and enjoy after all.

Alan- Yeah I don't do a whole lot of anything. Trust fund baby you know. I spend most of my time soaking up the sun and entertaining the ladies, if you know what I mean.( said as he looks all three ladies up and down)

  Annette ( moving away from Alan) I believe I need another drink, and a refill on the snacks, I think I will just go a head and take care of that.

  Julie ( Looking uncomfortable cringing away from Alan) I think I will join you. I plan to never have an empty glass in my hands the entire 7 days.

 (As the 2 walk off the rest of the group watches them go, Franklin comes forward from one of the tables , and Laura Holt sweeps in from off stage, David and Maddie sitting very closely stand up and join the group)

  Maddie- I just can't stop gawking, everything is so beautiful, and I can't believe how much room there is in our room. I always imagined the rooms would be much smaller.

 Laura- Oh darling thats because this is a deluxe luxury ship. Almost one of a kind, bigger and grander than anything ever made before, kind of like the Titanic. Oh and this is it's Maiden voyage, come to think of it, it is the Captains maiden solo voyage too.

 David ( good naturedly annoyed) Now don't be saying things like that you will have poor Maddie here worrying the entire week about nothing. 

Franklin- Oh is this your first cruise?

Maddie & David- This is our first anything. ( they look at each other and laugh.)

 David- This is our first major vacation. We were busy getting the kid raised and the house paid off. We have been saving for as long as I can remember dreaming of the day we could just get up and go and not worry a lick about money and how much things cost. 

Maddie- yeah as soon as we read Beyond Luxury the ultimate Vacation, we were all in.

 Alan- Theres a dance tonight in the main ball room is anyone planning on going? ( Eyeing Laura the entire time he's talking.)

 Franklin- Yes I am going, I understand the music is going to be amazing. I hear the D jay knows how to read a room and plays exactly the right tunes to get the place jumping. David and Maddie will you 2 be going tonight? 

 Maddie- Oh yes, I have new dress I am just dying to wear, and tonight is the perfect chance. Ah who am I kidding everything I have on this cruise is new, and I am dying to wear all of it.

  ( The group laughs politely but not with any real interest.)

  I do wish I had the jewelry some of these ladies have with them, to wear with all my new stuff.

  Betty- You and me both, I have a wish list longer then both our legs put together. I have a new dress too, so I am sure we will be two of the prettiest ladies at the dance. Our husbands are gonna have to beat all the guys off with a stick ( Both ladies laugh)

Laura, I am planning on making an appearance, it does sound like the best thing going tonight. 

 Franklin- Oh that is nice, I hope you will honor me with a dance maybe even 2 if I don't step on yours toes.

 Laura- Yes, that would be nice, I do enjoy a good dance partner, are you a good dancer Frank?

  Franklin- Please call me Franklin, I prefer to be called Franklin. I am a fair dancer, at least I have never broken anybodies toes that I know of.

 Alan- I am going to the dance as well, I am sure I will be happy to honor you with a dance maybe even 2. ( Leering with a smile)

 Laura- ( turning her head in a low voice) That is an honor I can live without.  ( turning back to the group) How about you Adam are you going to be dancing the night away? 

 Adam- No, No I don't think so. I think a good book on my balcony with a nice cigar and Bourbon is more my speed tonight.

 Betty- If I want to be ready for the dance on time I guess we should go get dinner before we get dressed, don't you think Paul? 

Paul- Yes dear.

Maddie- I agree, come on David, besides I am starving and my head is spinning from this little ole drink.

 David- Come along dear, let's get you fed, I can't have you starving on me now, can I.

Laura- I need to go and get Mother for dinner, and then I believe a nap is in my future before I dance the night away.

( everyone but Adam and Alan walk off in different directions)

Alan- Well Adam ole boy, you enjoy that book, and I do thank you for leaving all them pretty girls to a professional.

  Adam ( walking off as he speaks) No worries ole man I am sure the ladies will forgive me.

 Curtains?

 Disco balls spinning in the colorful light, tables placed around the edge of a dance floor. The D jay is playing dance music, dancers are already up and moving.

 Isaac ( talking to Leni) I didn't realize the ship would be constantly swaying like this. I wasn't able to eat dinner, and my stomach has been flip flopping since we left port.

Leni( distracted, looking at her phone, shaking it trying to get reception) Don't they have a pill for that or something?

Isaac ( clutching his tummy, covering his mouth, runs off stage)

Laura ( standing at a table, looking around the room) Oh Mother, isn't this just delightful. Early shabby chic wouldn't you say?

 Abigail ( sitting looking bored) Shabby bad taste you mean. Whoever designed this room needs to be fired, walked off the plank or something just as horrid, to match the horridness of this room. You are not gonna find your next husband here my dear, I promise you that. If I were you I would just put those jewels of yours in the safe and stop fishing, cause there isn't a thing worth keeping on this ship.

 Laura ( Frustrated ) Oh Mother really, do you have to be such a kill joy? You never know, there just might be some precious metal under all this tarnish. Besides I don't wear my jewels to catch a man, I wear them to prove I have caught a man at least once. I just didn't realize it was a catch and release program.

Abigail ( laughing) Thats my girl always hopeful. 

 ( At a table off to the side but near the front of the stage, Shelia is sitting by herself looking around.)

 Burl- ( Nervous, timid, walks to Shelia's table.) Hi, my name is Burl, Burl Smith. You wouldn't like to dance would you?

 Shelia- Oh, HELLO, I am Shelia, Shelia Evens. I am not much of a dancer , but yeah sure, I would love to.

 Jennifer- Oh Johnathan this music is just so, so ....... so loud. I like the Djays choices but does he have to be so loud.

Johnathan- I don't know Jenn, I kinda like it, reminds me of younger days when the speakers almost vibrated off the stage.

 Jennifer- Yeah but that was in a room 3 times bigger than this. My goodness I have seen school lunch rooms bigger than this. Is this really luxury?

 Johnathan- Now Jenn be nice.

PB&J enter and walk over to Johnathan and Jennifer, Betty looks frustrated and a bit worried.

  Jennifer- Hello you two. Whats the matter Betty you look like you have something serious on your mind. I mean even more serious than this silly looking room.

 Betty- Oh I am sure it is nothing, but I can't find my ruby earrings. I am normally so careful with them, but when I went to get them out of their box they weren't there. I looked all over the room but I can't seem to find them. 

 Paul- Don't worry love, I am sure they will turn up. We will find them when we get back in the room, and I asked our steward to get someone to check the pipes in the sink, just in case you laid them on the counter and they fell in. Or maybe they fell on the floor from your bed stand.

 Betty- Paul, I never ever leave those laying around. I know how much they cost and how long you saved to get them for me, I would never be that careless with them. Never!

Jennifer- Oh dear, I do understand, it is always so upsetting when I put something where it really doesn't go and then later I can't find it and can't remember where I put it. 

Betty- ( a little agitated) I didn't put them anywhere but in their little box, and that box is always in my top drawer, no matter where we go.

Johnathan- Well hopefully when you go back to the room you will find them. I hope you won't be so distracted you don't have fun tonight.

Betty-(looking around the room for the first time) Well dang! it looks like someone threw up every bad high school dance to ever happen and it all landed on this ship. Can the music be any louder, wait don't answer that.

Johnathan- Just like our younger days right, bad decor, loud music, and cheap booze. Come on let's go have some fun. 

Paul- Yeah lets go get a table and some of that cheap booze, maybe if I drink enough you won't notice that I can't dance.

  ( the 4 head into the dance area)

Curtain closes

  Day 3 of the cruise. It is morning and people are coming into the dinning area for the breakfast buffet. 

  Betty and Paul can be heard having a heated conversation.

Betty- But Paul I always put the earrings in the little lock box when I am not wearing them. I don't understand where they could have gotten to. I know they aren't on the floor, and they didn't find them in the drain trap or pipes. Someone had to have taken them.

 Paul- Betty how would someone get them without breaking the lock? The salesman swore there is no way to break that lock. You must have set them down somewhere and you just don't remember.

Betty ( angrier now) NO PAUL, I didn't lay them down somewhere and forget. Those earrings are the best present I have ever gotten. I am not drunk or senile, my earrings are missing and someone took them.

Paul- ( Somewhat resigned) I know Betty....I know. I was just hoping that somehow they were just misplaced and that they would turn up. If that isn't the case, then I don't like the only answer I have left in my mind.

Betty- Oh Paul do we really believe they were stolen? What do we do, who do we tell? 

 ( Walking up to the table with a plate and cup in her hand)

Annette- Who stole what?

P,B&J- Oh! It's nothing.

Betty- I can't find my Ruby earrings. Paul thinks I misplaced them and I say no I didn't, so if I am right, and I am always right. The only other answer left is that someone took them.

Paul- Betty you just can't go around saying someone stole your earrings.

Betty- Oh Yes I can.

Annette- Oh pleases would you 2 just stop. It is funny though I can't find the sapphire set I was wearing the other night. Hadn't given it much thought, really, I figured I put them in the wrong box and that they would turn up. Now I guess I will have to give my jewelry a closer look.

Adam( Joining the table with breakfast in hand) Good morning all. Another fabulous looking day, perfect for deck sitting and reading a book. ( looking around the table) My my what a bunch of long faces for such a perfect day. Don't tell me you are bored like so many others on this ship. I could never get bored with all this sunshine and blue skies. Seriously whats up?

Betty- My Ruby earrings have been missing for days now and many many searches have turned up nothing, I am afraid they may have been stolen, and now that Annette says her sapphires are missing I am even more sure and afraid.

 Adam- I truly hope that isn't the case, because those rubies were stunning, so stunning that you could see the quality clearly without a loop. I am sure they are more than just stunning, and that they are valued extremely high in price. I assume you have them insured? 

Paul- Yes they are insured and their value is very high. I had them custom made for Betty so they are also one of a kind, irreplaceable. 

Annette- My set was insured as well thank goodness.

( The Captain is walking across the deck, slowing down to eavesdrop on the conversation, but not stopping)

Adam- How long ago did you get them insured? I don't know that many insurance companies that insure paste. Well made paste to be sure, but if you are talking about the sapphires I saw you wearing the other night, I can say for sure they were not real stones and the metal around them was gold plated.

Annette- You sir are mistaken, I am sure. I buy my jewels from the finest jewelers in the finest cities, there is no way my jewels are fake.

Adam( slight smile, and a shoulder shrug) I am sure your are right, I did not mean to offend. ( turning his attention to PB&J) You should notify security, let your insurance company know, and then enjoy the rest of the cruise. There is nothing you can do past that and it would be a shame to lose your vacation too. 

( Annette, storms off as the threesome continues to talk quietly at their table.)

 Isaac-( walks across the stage holding his stomach moaning) 

Paul- Morning Isaac, how about a little breakfast to start the day. The eggs over easy are perfect this morning, just the right amount of runny. ( a sheepish smile that is almost a laugh)

 Isaac- ( Moans louder, covers his mouth and runs off stage.)

Betty- Paul why did you do that. You can be so mean sometimes. That poor man was absolutely green.

Paul- awe Betty I was just being friendly and having a little fun with the guy. It is just a little sea sickness after all.

Leni-(Walks over to the table and slumps glumily into a chair) That is it I give up, 3 days on this boat and I can't find a single internet hot spot, not even 1 bar to get a call out. ( holds her phone up for the table to see, then abruptly gets up and leaves the table)

Adam- I don't think I should tell her, I have been making calls without a problem. I think you had to purchase that package before you boarded the ship though.

Paul-(laughing) Yeah I wouldn't tell her that, not if you want to keep your phone.

Shelia- ( walks into the room, looks around and then joins the group) Good morning everyone, Have you all been enjoying your vacations? It took me a few days to rest up after that dance. I probably didn't need days to rest, but the pool and the sunshine have been to much to resist.

Betty- I don't know maybe I am getting old, but that DJay was way to loud, and his constant talking over the music.

Paul- And what was with the dancing lessons? I mean you're a DJay not a dance instructor, just play the music and let us figure it out.

Johnathan and Jennifer ( approach the table together, speaking even before reaching the group) Yeah!

Jennifer- Yeah it wasn't the best djay I have ever heard, but we still had fun didn't we. 

Johnathan- Well we know you did Jenn, you never came off the dance floor. I don't know how you keep going like that. I can never keep up with you.

Jennifer- Awe thank you, that is so sweet of you to say, but it's no big secret your old and I'm not.

Shelia(laughing) Well tonight is the Captains dinner, I am looking forward to that.

Paul- Yeah me too, but this afternoon they have a stand up comedian over in the Skylight bar, I think that will be a fun time.

 Jennifer- Out by the top deck pool they have a few singers preforming during lunch. Theres a girls trio I hear is real good, and few other groups too. I am looking forward to that. Lunch on the pools edge with live music to entertain us.

  Johnathan- And don't forget there is Karaoke this evening in the Irish pub. You know I wanna go belt a few out while I enjoy a pint or two.

  Betty- Well it sounds like we have another busy day ahead of us, I think I am going to head to my room and get myself ready. ( Betty and Paul stand to leave the table) 

Jennifer- Oh Betty, did you find your earrings? 

Betty ( turning back to the group) Nope, no I didn't and we have been looking for days. Now Annette says her sapphires are missing too.

Jennifer- That is disappointing. I was pulling together my outfit for dinner tonight, and the bracelet I was planning on wearing seems to be missing. It isn't as spectacular as your earrings or Annette's sapphires but it was a bit on the pricey side for me, not to mention super cute, all gold and pearls and those purple stones, Amethyst I think they are.

Paul- Adam told us to notify security and our insurance company, he said for now that is all we can do. ( Slight amused laugh) He also made Annette really mad, when he told her, her sapphires are simply, well made paste.

Betty- Yeah she didn't take that well at all. Now I am more than convinced my earrings were stolen.

  Everyone stands and talking as they exit.

  Curtain closes

 Front Curtain Opens.  

 David - Abigail right? How are you? You remember my wife Maddie yes?

Maddie- It is nice to see you, are you going to see the comedian?

Abigail- Yes I thought I might check it out, Laura says I need to get out of the room and enjoy some of the activities. I have been enjoying a book and the lovely sunshine on my deck the past few days, but Laura is right it is always nice to get out among  people.

 Maddie-( looking around the room ) Where is Laura, is she going to be joining you for the show? 

Abigail- No she is having a mid morning nap, and then she wants to have lunch by the pool. She heard the trio is very good and she is a sunbather at heart. I am willing to bet she will be at Karaoke, she is a ham to say the least. 

Maddie(laughing) Well it sounds like she has her day filled up. I hope we see her at the Captains dinner.

David- We'll see her at karaoke for sure. I plan on being there. I am looking forward to crooning for my sweet wife. 

Maddie (groans, places her hand to her forehead) Oh no I see a headache coming on. ( Laughs, looks at David and strokes his arm)

  (Back curtain opens, The comedian is standing facing the audience (stage?) Various people sitting in chairs facing the comedian. Abigail, Maddie, and David walk in and find seats.)

    The comedian does his/her act. 10 minutes or less.( bad jokes)

 Back curtain closes.

  Burl, Adam, Alan, Annette, and Shelia all walk on to the stage from different directions

  Alan-  (Swim trunks, white crew socks, and loafers, wife beater) Well, well ladies aren't you looking all kinds of tasty in you bathing suits. I know what I'd like to have for lunch.( Licking his fingers and stroking his eyebrow)

(Annette, and Shelia look down shuffle their feet and pull there cover ups even tighter) 

 Adam- Come on Alan be gentlemen why don't ya.

Burl- I guess you two ladies are heading to the pool for lunch and the singers performing there.

 Shelia- Yes that is where I am headed, I hear the 3 ladies singing are very good. Plus people say the burgers at the pool are to die for and I am dying for a burger.

Annette- I won't be eating a burger, but I am looking forward to the show, and a little relaxation in the sun. There is a float and a cocktail with my name on it and I will be spending my afternoon right there.

 Alan- I may decide not to go to karaoke if the view is as good as I think it will be in the pool.

 Annette( gives him a withering look and stalks away, towards the back curtain that is opening)

(People sitting around in suits like at a pool, eating what looks like lunch. On the make shift stage, the singing acts are singing. 2 or 3 groups 10 minutes)

 Exiting the pool area after lunch, Franklin, Betty, Paul, Abigail, Jennifer and Johnathan are walking together talking.

 Franklin- Well that was nice. Refreshing really.

 Abigail- Yes, I enjoyed all the groups. They all had different styles thats for sure.

 Johnathan- I really liked.       The best

 Laura( walking onto the stage with purpose heading straight for her Mom) Mom, did you move the emeralds somewhere?

 Abigail( looking confused at her daughter) No, Laura they should be in the case in the safe. 

 Laura( Frustrated) Well the case is in the safe but it is empty, and besides me you are the only one with the combination. Are you sure you didn't lay them some where and forget to put them away. 

Betty( sarcastically) And where have I heard that before?

 Paul- Betty shhh

Abigail Yes! I am sure I put them in the case and then closed the safe door. I know because the door wouldn't close at first, there was something stuck in the lock, I had to pick it out and close the door again.

Franklin- You are the what 4th person to be missing jewelry?

 Laura- What? Oh yes I think so, I am not. sure.

 Betty- Actually 3rd person, Annette found her Sapphires, or what she thought were sapphires. Funny she was surprised to find them on the floor. Said something about always hanging her cloths and putting her jewelry away. I believe her too, she just doesn't seem the type to leave $500.00 blouses on the floor crumpled up, or expensive jewels either, even if she didn't know they were paste.

 Franklin- Paste? How do you know they were paste?

Adam( walking up to the group just in time to hear Franklin) Do you mean the Sapphires Annette was wearing? 

 Franklin- Yes. 

 Adam- I told her, Betty and Paul they were paste, because they are. Just as Betty's earrings are perfectly cut and stunning with or without a loop, Annette's Sapphires were just as obviously paste. 

 Franklin- When did the sapphires show up on the floor, before or after you told her they looked like paste.

 Betty- After I think, she certainly didn't seem to know they were paste when she told us they were missing. Why?

  Franklin- Just curious.

Everyone stands around looking uncomfortable at each other. 

 Johnathan- Well I guess you had better report it to the security here on the ship and get a report for your insurance company. Oh and hope it shows up before we end our trip.

Laura- I guess you're right. Well Mother shall we go find the security office.

Johnathan- Good luck.

Paul- Maybe we'll see you at karaoke. 

 Curtains close

 Front curtain opens

   The group is standing all together, the men in Hawaiian shirts, and the women in casual dresses

Leni( runs on to stage, from the right, phone in hand)

Isaac ( runs on to stage from the left)

 Isaac- Has anyone seen the nurse?

 Leni ( ignoring and talking over Isaac, still holding the phone up looking for a signal.) I still can't get a signal, I have been everywhere on the ship with no luck. Do you think my phone could be infected with some bad spam?

Isaac( grabbing his stomach and covering his mouth, he gags and runs off stage) 

( All heads turn to watch Isaac go)

Leni( confused) Was it something I said.

   ( Laughter)

Johnathan- ( rubbing his hands together) Okay gang who wants to go get their sing on?

Jennifer- Please promise me you won't be singing " Lil Red Riding Hood" tonight. You get so carried away with that song.

Betty-( Laughing) That goes for you too Paul, no Iron Butterfly, you hear me. 

 Julie- Iron Butterfly? What on earth is that.

 Paul, Johnathan- Are you kidding?

 Jennifer- Oh you two, let her be not everyone is into the early original heavy metal. In-A Gadda- da-Vida isn't everyones favorite song you know.

 Julie- Wow Alan those are some very serious gold chains. How many do you have, if I can ask?

Alan( snapping to attention, Stroking his eyebrow, as he slides up to Julie) Honey, you can come to my cabin and we can have some fun counting them, (wink) if you know what I mean. 

 Julie- ( Cringing) Oh that's okay, I was just curious.(a thought and then a sly smile) I was just wondering how many  of those chains it would take to cover all that chest hair.

( Laughter hidden behind hands and backs tuned)

Alan( completely unaware of the slight or the laughter) I am sure I have that many and more. Yep I am worth my weight in gold.

(David and Maddie Join the group)

David- Looks like it will be a long line for the Karaoke list. 

Johnathan- Yeah, looks like we all got a secret wish to be a star. 

Maddie- Oh no not me, I just came for the laughs, I promise when David sings you will be rolling on on the floor. 

David( giving a hurt withering look at his wife) Oh come on now, I'm not that bad. I mean how hard is it to sing Row row your boat. ( Quickly turning and looking at the group) Any one car to make it a round? Come on it will be fun a real group effort. ( Can't hold the laughter back any longer)

  Maddie( Looks horrified, and the group is whole heartily laughing)

David( Hugging his wife to him, still laughing) Don't worry honey, I promise no Row row your boat rounds. You do have to admit it would be fun.

Shelia( Still laughing slightly) I would have done it with you. It does sound kind of fun. Certainly unexpected.

Laura- Yes it does like it would be a lark for sure, and goodness knows I could use a little fun right about now.

Abigail- Now now Laura, we've reported them missing and called the insurance company. That is all we can do for now, so stop stewing and lets have a drinkie poo and as Mr Hart says, Lets get our sing on.

 Laura ( Laughing wraps her arm over her mom's shoulder and turn towards the back curtain)

 Back curtain opens.  

 Karaoke happens. 2 or 3 songs at most, singers to be decided.

 As everyone is leaving Karaoke

Maddie- Julie do you know what you are wearing to dinner tonight?

 Julie- I am not sure I am going to the dinner. The dress I was planing on wearing has a big ole stain on it, and of all things I forgot my shoes.

Maddie- Oh my is that all? This ship is like a floating city, it has everything, including some of the best shops I have ever seen.

David- Believe you me Maddie knows shops and shopping, she lives for it.

Maddie- Oh David, Really though you should treat yourself.  A new dress, new shoes,( looking at her watch) You even have time to get your hair and nails done if you want. 

 Laura- I think I am heading to the spa and then the salon myself. A little relaxation and pampering sounds perfect.

 Alan- I am headed to my room for a nap. If any of you ladies would like to rock me to sleep, I wouldn't say no. ( Wiggles the eyebrows)

 No one says a word, everyone just turns and walks away in different directions.

   Curtains close.

Front curtain opens

 Shelia, Abigail, Franklin, PB&J, and Adam are gathered in front of the closed back curtain.

 Leni (comes from left stage, phone in hand looking frustrated) I swear, something is  

Isaac( coming on stage behind Leni, still looking sick, just in time to hear)

Leni- beginning to smell fishy, I mean look just look at this phone no lines just as flat as a pancake, I can't even get Candy Crush on here to smash some of those gooey jelly squares.

 Isaac- Moans ( grabs mouth and tummy and runs off stage.)

  Leni- ( looking up from her phone just as Isaac run off) Really that man needs to see someone about that. His gagging is getting annoying.( walking off as she says the last line)

( The group turns and watches her go)

Betty- Shelia that is a beautiful necklace. 

Abigail- Yes very unusual, I don't believe I have ever seen anything like it before. It looks very old.

Shelia- Thank you, I love this piece. It has been handed down from Mother to daughter for centuries.

Abigail- well it is absolutely beautiful.

Alan( joins the group looking down)

Franklin- Whats up Alan, you don't seem to be you usual "charming" self?

Alan- I can't find the chains I plained to wear tonight. I can find all my every day gold, but the ones I keep for formal occasions are no where to be found.

Betty- Missing jewelry is becoming an epidemic around here.

 Franklin- when did you last see your chains?

Alan- When I packed them in their lock case before we boarded. I just don't understand how I misplaced them when I never took them out of the case. The case is there but not my gold.

Adam- I wonder if security is really aware of how much jewelry has gone missing. I assume Alan you have the chains insured.

Alan- I guess, I really don't know, I have lawyers and accountants for all that stuff. I will notify them as soon as I can, and I already went to security, not they were much help. 

 Paul- Yes I noticed when we reported the earrings missing they really weren't all that interested.

Franklin- That is all you can do for now. I am sure once we land you will be able to get more help.

Betty- Yeah after someone walks off this ship with my rubies.

Abigail- And my Emeralds

Alan- And my gold

Franklin- It is so odd that Annette's Sapphires went missing only to return after she was told they were fake.

Paul- Yes all true, and not a dang thing we can do about it. I am hungry, more importantly my glass seems to be empty. Shall we go in and find our seats.

 The back curtain opens

  (A long table is set for a formal dinner. The captain will sit directly to the center of the table, Shelia will be in the seat next to the captain on the left. On the other side of Shelia is Burl. 

   Already seated will be David and Maddie, as well as Johnathan and Jennifer. Moving around the room is Laura, Burl, and Annette. Seeing Adam coming into the room Annette heads straight for him.)

Annette- Well Adam do you think these diamonds are paste too? Or maybe sea glass.

Adam- No no it is very clear those are the real deal. Extremely good quality too. If we really do have a thief on board they would have done better stealing necklace.

Annette- My Sapphires weren't stolen. I found them on the floor in my suite. ( spoken almost as if to herself) Such an odd thing really, I never leave my jewelry out.

Adam- When we land I would take those sapphires to a different jeweler and see what they have to say.

( Adam and Annette head for the table and look for their seats.)

 ( Julie comes into the room and waves at Maddie, as she walks over to the table where Maddie is sitting)

Julie- Thank you so much for suggesting a shopping and spa spree. You are so right this ship is a floating city. The shopping is the best. I even found a bracelet almost like the one I lost. ( holding out her arm) Isn't it just the sweetest.

Maddie (standing up) You look like a million bucks. You got this dress here on the ship? I bet it cost a million bucks.

Julie- ( Laughing a little) Thank you, I feel like a million bucks. The dress was pricey, but not as much as that.

 (Maddie sits back down and Maddie finds her seat)

  ( A bell rings signaling dinner is about to be served, the Captain walks in just as the bell stops ringing.)

Captain( walks to her seat, standing behind it looking left to right and back again.) Good Evening everyone. It is a pleasure to be sharing dinner with you tonight. I hope you will enjoy what the chef's have prepared for you. On the menu tonight you find a wonderful melody of exotic dishes picked just for this occasion. This is where I am suppose to make some sort of speech, but honestly I am hungry so I am going to make this short. It is a pleasure to be captaining this ship for you, I hope the ship is everything you wanted it to be. Thank all so much for joining me. Now let's enjoy the feast.

Adam- I am glad she is a better sailor than she is a speech maker, at least I hope she is. 

Laura- We haven't hit any icebergs so theres that. (chuckle)

Abigail- Oh Laura, you are incorrigible.

 Burl- ( talking to Shelia) Wow how did I get so lucky to be seated next to you?

 Shelia- I don't know but I am happy that you did. It is always nice talking with you. Look at all this food. It all looks so good.

Burl- It is nice talking to you too, normally I am so nervous talking to people, but you, you are so easy to talk to. ( Burl leans in some what blocking Shelia fro audience view.) Is that an edible flower on your plate.

Captain- ( leaning in finishing blocking off view of Shelia) Yes that is called Nasturtium. It is used......

(Remove Shelia's necklace)

(Isaac comes running across the stage a hospital gown flapping holding up his pants)

Nurse- ( Running after Isaac with BIG SYRINGE ) Come back come back I want to give you an erection. 

(Both run off stage) ( the diners watch in stunned disbelief, and then return to dinner and their conversations)

Shelia( Reaching up to her neck lets out the loudest blood curddling scream ever.) My necklace, it's gone.

Burl- It must be around here somewhere, I mean you just had it on. It mush have just fallen off.

Shelia-(upset) No it didn't just fall off, someone took it off. I felt a hand brush across my neck.

Betty- I believe you dear, trust me I do. (hugging Shelia)

( Burl comes towards Shelia to comfort her) Shelia- You stay away from me. You, you took my necklace, you had your hands on the back of my chair when that crazy man came running through here. You did it. Give me back my necklace.

Burl( stunned at the accusation) I did no such thing and the Captain was leaning over you as well.

Shelia- Don't be silly why would a Captain want my necklace?

Franklin- Annette, do you remember was Burl around when Adam told you that your Sapphires were fake?

Annette- You mean allegedly fake, and no I don't believe he was. At least I don't remember seeing him.

Franklin- What about the Captain?

 Captain- Excuse me, how dare you question my where about's, I am the Captain and my duties take me all over this ship.

Franklin- As well as give you keys to everything on this ship, 

 Captain- Yes that is true but so what, what does that prove. Shouldn't you be letting the police ask these questions? 

Franklin- Fair point Captain Stubbing, let me introduce myself. I am Captain Franklin Botherstone, in the international robbery division. I have been following a jewelry thief that has been targeting cruise ships mostly this companies line of ships. Now Annette, was the Captain near you when you found out that the Sapphires, "may" be fake?

 Annette( thinks about it for a minute) Actually yes, we were all sitting together for breakfast when Adam told me he thought my Sapphires were fake.

 Franklin- Was the Captain close enough to hear you?

 Annette- You really didn't have to be all that close. I was yelling at Adam when he told me the stones might be paste. So yes she would have heard me.

 Franklin-Thank you. Captain, I have a search warrant allowing me to search anywhere I think stolen jewels might be. I do believe we will start in your cabin.

 Betty- Captain( both captains answer) I mean Captain Bootherstone Did you find my earrings? Will I get them back?

 Franklin- It might take some time but you will get them back, I promise.

Curtain closes

Front curtain opens, everyone departs the ship from back curtains, that are partially closed. Everyone will come off talking exchanging numbers hugging promising to call.

  The captain will come out in cuffs with everyone stopping what they are doing to watch.

Leni is last to come out to the front stage Phone in hand it begins to ring.

Curtain closes

Notes, 

 Funnier ending for leni is needed.

pirating laws are in effect on the high seas, I want to use that.