A week of High hopes and Accomplishments.

  

I was hoping that by the time I wrote this the high hopes would be more like good new. Instead I am getting a lesson in patients .  A lesson I need often because I can be a bit restless when I should just chill and let life take its course.

    I set out this week to get a whole lot of different things done and off my mind. I went to bed Sunday with the full intention of waking up Monday morning and starting to clear away all the stuff that has been worrying me and keeping me from sleeping. 

   I started with the simple things, like getting together every last thing I would need to accomplish my goals. So Monday was hunting and gathering in the morning. I got all my shopping done as locally as I could get so I could get home by lunch and get into the sewing room.

  I had 24 quilt blocks made and ready to be made into potholders. I needed to layer the tops with the heat protective material and the back material into a sandwich and quilt stitch them together. It took me all afternoon and into the early evening but I got them all done. All that was left was to bind them and add a hoop for hanging, and that would wait for the morning. 

     Tuesday I went straight to the sewing room and started attaching the binding to all 24 potholders. By noon I was done, with only the finishing hand sewing left to do. Then I was on to another project that I bit off without thinking if I could chew it or not. 

       Easter is coming and I had to do something fun. There won't be any egg dying or hunting and the Easter Bunny passes by this house now, so I like to make a little of my own fun. I decided that making Easter baskets of homemade soaps, bath salts and oils would be the perfect gift and easy enough to do. Soap making, even the simple melt and pour method is satisfying as well as a good deal of fun. The end results are pretty and sweet smelling too. A few baskets is no big deal right? Well 18 baskets is mind boggling more difficult than I thought. It was still an enjoyable endeavor and the end results, made all the trips to the store, hunting for jars, labels, oils and other ingredients completely worth it.

      PS, Making soap and other bath products is no less expensive than buying them already made.It is nice to know what is in your products and somehow so much nicer using them.

   Tuesday evening found me on the couch with 24 potholders sitting next to me a spool of thread and needle. All those bindings had to be tacked down and that has to be done by hand for a neat looking finish. Movie marathon on TV a large soda and I was set for the night. Midnight came and I happily found my bed with 18 completed baskets on my kitchen table and 24 potholders sitting on my sewing table ready to be delivered. I slept well Tuesday night knowing I had just knocked 2 of my biggest mind consuming projects out of the park.

   I woke up early Wednesday morning well rested but dreading what I was sure was going to be a long and painful morning on the phone. I was pleasantly surprised and happy to be wrong on both counts. Today is the day I am finally going to bite the bullet and talk to Social Security.

  Calling before 9 AM was a good tip someone had given me. My wait time was less than 20 minutes and the person that answered was very competent, knowing just what I would need and going about it taking care of it with little or no fanfare. I don't know about you but I dislike those calls where they have to tell you every little step they make, and make more small talk than is actually polite , I am like " come on just do it already, I am going to be 90 before you finish the dang sentence." I now have the appointment I need and the worry about getting it all done in the time line provided without getting penalties is over. Thanks to a young women named Ashley it was a quick, painless, and pleasant phone call.

    Next on the list was Russo's and my potholders.

     Russo's is a local farm market and the place I hope to sell the potholder to. This is my high hope. It isn't the biggest dream ever but it is a good dream. I don't want or expect to get rich but it would be nice to see my work for sale in a store . At this moment in time my potholders are at the market but the owner is extremely busy getting the market open for the season and getting ready for a busy spring/ Easter weekend that I haven't heard from her yet. Hence my lesson in patients. Bill my all time biggest supporter says I did some great work and that she will love them all, I can only hope he is right. Yes as soon as I know I will be letting you know and posting pictures of my work in an actual store.

   Earlier in the week I ordered a DVD for working out. Body Groove. It is the best work out for me. Easy to do holds my interest and actually works. We have a gym and work out room here in the community and I have been trying to get other ladies to join me in the workout room to work with this DVD and have finally decided it matters not if there are 5 of us 2 of us or just me, I just have to go and do it. Wednesday Night was my night, with or without friends I was going. Donna was able to make it so I wasn't alone. It felt so good to move, to grunt, to sweat, to breath hard, I had forgotten how much I actually enjoy exercise. I went home feeling lighter in mind body and soul. It won't be hard to get back there again.

  It is Thursday now and every goal I set out to get done this week is completed. I feel like I can take the rest of the week off. After I cleaned up the sewing room and straightened the house I did take today off. I went shopping for nothing but the fun of it. Shoes and a dress later I came home relaxed and happy.

Tomorrow I will get the prep work done for our early family Easter dinner on Saturday. I only need to make a side dish and a cake, but dinner is early on Saturday so making what I can Friday will make things easier all the way around. The gym and the workout room are calling me back and I plan to heed the call, alone if I have to. Then it is Bingo night and hopes of winning a pot or two.

  Saturday I'll finish up my side dish, frost the cake and pack 18 Easter baskets in the car and enjoy my Sister In Laws hospitality as well as the company of family.I am planning on making the crazy cake we all love and instead of the peanut butter frosting I am going to use a chocolate frosting recipe I found. Bill just eats it by the spoonful no cake needed. 

     This is a cake I made last week using the frosting.This time it will be a chocolate cake. Here is the frosting recipe, with a few changes that I put in the notes.

https://www.copymethat.com/r/jgKpq6dGb/perfectly-chocolate-chocolate-frosting/

 And this is the cake I am going to make

https://www.copymethat.com/r/kLYuBFdQ2/crazy-cake/. 

   Sunday, I am putting my feet up and watching all my favorite movies all day. I am not even sure I will get out of my jammies. One thing is for sure I will be smiling.

High hopes and Accomplishments is absolutely correct  

                     Happy Easter!

A Swans Foot

  

I can't see a button, toggle or switch that eventually I won't be able to resist pulling, pushing, or twisting, just to see what they will do. That holds true fro my editing program as well. 

 Normally I am a bit reserved with my editing program because I like my photos to be straight out of the camera. I don't mind cropping and even a little light adjustment, but I am not at all ready for the photography that is out there now. I find it disconcerting that you don't even have to be a little good with a camera anymore. All you need to do is be able to use a computer and all the tools it provides. You almost don't even have to be the actual photographer anymore. So I am resistant to editing programs that allow you to completely change one photo into an entirely different photograph.

  In one of the groups I play in, this months challenge is  black and white or limited color abstract. As you may have guessed I am not abstract. My mind doesn't work in any abstract manner, so after a few less than successful attempts to achieve an abstract photograph straight out of the camera a, I knew I was going to have to make friends with my editing program.

  When I say editing program I don't mean some professional program that I pay for and need hours of classes just to get started. No I mean the editing program built into my lap top. It fairly easy to use and free, but it is also very limited with just a few features past cropping and exposure. That is just perfect for me.

 I submitted 3 photos this month. 2 were modified in editing to get an abstract look and feel to them and 1 is almost straight out of the camera. I did have to crop incredibly tight to get the result I wanted but in the end I was pleased.

  My first one is something I do like. It is modified to get the results but it was fun pushing toggles and watching a totally different photo come to life. Side by side you can tell they are the same photo, but I don't believe you would describe them as looking alike.

First the photo without any editing . I call it lingering leaf.
 And this is what playing with toggles got me. From what I can figure out I was pushing the curve ( ? ) to the light. Giving me all those beautiful white shadowy high lights in the branches I used other toggles to remove more color.I am happy with the end results.

  Next is the one I only cropped to get what I was looking for. I used my macro lens and scooped in as tight as I could to get the results I wanted. I didn't change the color, light or anything else and I was pleased when I saw the unedited photo on my screen. Just the slightest crop and no one would know, except for the title " A Gnomes Nose" what the photo actually was. I thought the results were fun.

 And finally the reason for the blogs title. When I took the shot I knew I was really only truly interested in the foot. With moving subjects that take no direction sometimes you take what you get and be happy you even got that. Most times photos that get a description like that don't even make the cut and end up on the virtual floor. That is where this photo almost made it too,

  then the challenge came along and I saw the possibilities if I could find in myself even a little editing skills. I am brave enough to push pul and twist, and with the revert to original option I am even braver about it, so I fearlessly faced my editing screen and started cropping. 

Once I started all reservation fell away and I got real curious as to what I could do if I just pushed a bit more.The curve toggle was really holding my attention and as I pushed the pixels towards light and over exposure I was blowing out the water and feathers, leaving just the foot I wanted to be the focus. I pushed as far as I could and not lose the foot too, it still left the tips of the back feathers , but I felt I had gotten a decent abstract photograph, so I stopped and submitted it.

   I also put the abstract version in another group asking for opinions about what I had done. I only got 1 answer but his was enough to make me understand the curve button was about light and dark or contrast. Pushing the toggle in any direction can stretch the photo into unrecognizable and sometime pleasing abstract. He also peaked my curiosity about what would happen if I blew out all the white and light with out losing the dark what would happen if I applied the level. To be honest I have no idea what that is or is suppose to do, but I know pulling everything to the right brought out all the dark with the light poking through like light burning into a film. Pushing all the way to the left brought out so much light it blew out the last of the feathers and left the foot as black as it can be without losing all the little interesting features etched into the webbing of that beautiful swan foot.

   Who knew a swans foot could be so entertaining and so interesting to see up close. I do believe a small print of the swans foot will end up in my sewing/ work room  reminding me, to not be afraid of the outside of the box. 

Whats in the box is nice warm and comfortable like a mid morning nap, but it is always good to slip out from under the covers and go outside.

 

    

BLAH BLAH BLAH

     Blah blah blah, what can I say. I am bored so bored. Sewing is fun, games can be too, but that can't be all there is to every day. 

          I think about what kind of job I could be doing that I would enjoy, be good at and wouldn't kill my body on a daily basis. I look around at all the things I have training in and I know I am no longer meant for those jobs. I don't have the strength stamina or even the desire to do those jobs, I don't have the temperament for those jobs either. I look around while out and about and see managers standing around with coffee cups in their hands doing nothing while others struggle around them to get the jobs done even with being short handed. It just isn't for me, I would be fired almost before I got hired, and truthfully being fired would be the high light of my day.

   My last experience with Wawa was enough to say ordinary labor jobs are not for me. I hated every minute I was back with the company. It wasn't the same Wawa that I remember at all. Angry, cold, un reachable managers, short staffing on every shift, unreasonable expectations of the general staff, and a general lack of knowledge of what the company is actually doing to itself and its staff with all the changes and not just the keep up with the Jone's but beat the Jone's attitude , make Wawa no joy to work for. People stay for the stock option and a few other benefits Wawa is known for but the company isn't the same easy company to work for it once was, and I am just not the same person anymore either.

 Being retired sounds heavenly and I would so love to just be there, to be able to say " Why yes I am retired" without feeling a ton of guilt. I do  though I feel guilt, as if for some reason I don't deserve to finally sit back relax and just do and live life to its fullest at my own pace. Money is always going to be an issue and truthfully I don't think there has ever been a time in my life when someone wasn't asking me about money. You know, how you going to pay for that, do you have the money for that, the rent is due, blah blah blah.I don't imagine that money will ever not be an issue.

  I spend so much time thinking, wondering, pushing my brain to its limits trying to figure out just what my next calling will be and I get nothing. Nada, zip, zero, not a single thought or idea comes to mind. I know what I don't want, I am very clear on what I don't want, I just can't figure out what I do want.

  I am paralyzed with fear about SS and medicare, I do mean paralyzed, I know I have to make up my mind and get a plan in action, but every time my mind goes there I panic. SO many people have yelled at me about SS and medicare that I have no idea what to think other then to be afraid. No one seems to be able to just talk about the subject, the passion gets so intense they always end up yelling. Those that don't yell have so much information and it just keeps pouring out of them like water over a fall, leaving me pulling on my hair feeling dumb and even less informed than when I started. 

 Blah blah blah ! that's all I hear when these subjects begin their  dance in my head. No one said old age would be a picnic, but they sure as shit didn't give a hint of just how mind bending entering into the golden age was going to be.

   I wake up happy every day to be here sober and alive enjoying what every new day will bring, but I would enjoy it more if I could turn my Blah blah blahs into actual answers and actions, allowing me for once in my life to relax and just live without questions, demands, and guilt.

 I love to shop, and I am good at it, finding the best deals, knowing who sells what and where. Personal shopper has often entered my thoughts as a possible career path for me. Maybe 25 yrs ago or even 30 yrs ago when I had the original though and every store didn't have on line shopping with delivery, it would have been a good idea. Now I am not so sure.. There are some specialty areas I could delve into like last minute lulu's and those that really can't deal with on line anythings. These thoughts lead to more thoughts and those lead to others and before you know it I have thought myself right out of the idea dismissing it as stupid, lame, out of date, and impossible to get started. Then the thought, as it has for the past 30 yrs comes back and nags at me again. Like it is right now.

  Flowers, photography, quilting, hiking, and dancing, a few of my favorite things, and when a dog bites or the bees stings I do just think of these and things really aren't so bad..... and then reality hits and again I 'm sad. Sad because I can't figure out how to turn any of those things into a living that allows me to have an income and not begin to hate the very thing I love.

  As I said blah blah blah,, and blah. It gives me a headache just thinking about it. What do you do when you're too old to actually start a career, too poor not to have one and too young to actually want one. How do you work and keep your freedom all at the same time? 

  I know I am not alone. Not the only person whose retirement wasn't planned from the day they were born, who worked hard all their lives and did everything expected of them. Only to find themselves in the tuff spot of having no real turn to make or path to take, of just needing to keep trudging forward hoping that soon very soon the answers will come, and the blah blah blah in their head will turn into a bright and cheery 

      Aha, I got this!

  When I started writing this I had hoped that by the end I would actually have a Aha moment . It didn't happen but I did find a new font and a new text color that both bring me more joy than they should, so it wasn't an actual waste of time.