Who Knows

   Button , button who has the button?

Together they didn't make a complete brain, but that didn't stop the two best friends from constantly dreaming up schemes to make it big and live out their lives high on high street. They dreamed of yachts , mansions, cars, diamonds and 10's hanging on their arms draped in furs and gold.

  Working for those dreams at a legit job would have been insulting as well as stupid, too even to suggest to the man boys. No they knew even if no one else did that they were meant for bigger and better things, then an ordinary boring job. 

  Every day Frank and Hank would gather in Hank's Grandmama's basement making their plans, dreaming their dreams. Mostly they played games and smoked weed. For them it was " Hey whatever works right."

  These two dreamers would never do anything to intentionally hurt a soul. However their visions of grandeur and unending riches did require a bit of law twisting if they wanted to achieve that life without a single day of actual honest work.

  The schemes they have schemed would have all been so laughable if they hadn't failed so badly. Failed? Failed is such a bland word for these guys, in fact I don't think there is a word that amply describes the many fumbling attempts at riches these two have tried.

 The best of the best had to be what many had dubbed " The great slip and slide." After watching " Home Alone" a dozen times while smoking a sizable amount of home grown( another failed plan) F&H as they liked to refer to themselves got the brainy idea to fall on the city sidewalk in front of the park and then sue. Not a new or brilliant idea for sure, but their execution of the feat was more than note worthy and had the entire city staff in stitches for weeks. 

   The two got out their crayons and a large sheet of drawing paper and started working out their plans. F wrote down 

"31 and below" 

at the top of the paper in big bold red letters. " No no give me that" grabbing the crayon from F's hand H quickly scribbled out the header and wrote a header of his own. " 

HOW TO MAKE ICE ON A SIDEWALK!

Standing back admiring his handy work H proudly asked " There isn't that better? "No! no it isn't" says F grabbing the crayon back from H's hand. Making big bold lines through the entire sentence, and re writing 

"31 and below." 

 Frank lets out a deep sigh as he patiently explains what seem perfectly obvious to him" Look man we can't have a title, we just need a list and not a full list. If someone found this they could use it to prove we planned to fall. and a premeditated crime is worse than one that aint. Ya see what I mean?"Yeah but whose gonna find it, only you and me come in the basement, even my Grandma don't come down here."  " Except that guy the other day, you know the one that gave me this cool old pin. Hey what's premidated anyway?" "Really H, how you manage to put one foot in front of the other, I honestly don't know. You can never be too careful  anyway." " Okay F but I like my header better, at least then I know what I am looking at". "EXACTLY" ! F shaking his head, rolling his eyes leans over the paper to begin mapping out their road to riches. 

 31 or below

Water ( how much ?)

buckets

pick up truck

" Hey, H does the park have a water faucet?" "You mean like a drinking fountain?" " No, I mean a faucet like you can hook a hose to" " Oh yeah it's over in the corner of building in the middle of the park. Why?" " Cause I was thinking." " Oh no when you get to thinking, that usually means I get to do something dangerous or stupid." " It aint stupid if it works and saves us time right?" "  yeah I guess ! So what are you thinking?" Taking the crayon and crossing out buckets F wrote HOSE and under that he wrote Broken. Then Frank crossed out truck. " Thats it I guess, it is that easy and it won't cost us nothing . All we gotta do is wait for a night that is freezing, take a hose and hook it to the faucet and then turn it on, once we soak the sidewalk take the hose away and slid ourselves into millions. It will be easy street all the way." Yeah F easy peasy and nothing to it, but what we gonna sue for? Are we gonna get hurt?" Yep a little I guess but it will be worth it when you see how much money we are going to make. As both the boys rub their hands together laughing what they consider an evil laugh, Hank removes the pin that strange dude had given them and puts it on top of the plans F had drawn up." Whats the matter H, you don't like the pin no more"? " No I like it, it was just poking me a little and I don't want to lose it, so I'll just leave it here for now." 

   The Park!

  "Damn it's cold out here F, If I shake any harder my teeth are gonna fall out." "Hush ! stop your complaining I am the one that got all wet when the damn hose exploded. Who the hell knew a hose had to be bled before putting them away for the winter? Well at least the sidewalk is soaked and in a few minutes we will be rolling in dough." " Yep yep, but I am still freezing, is the sidewalk frozen yet?" " No no, it will take at least 5 minutes maybe a few more, let's get up next to the building and sit, then we can get warm, stay out of the wind and no one will see us. I am tired from lugging that hose all the way from your Grandma's house. Maybe we should have gotten the truck, at least then we'd have a warm spot to wait." Don't look at me  F,I didn't have control of the crayon. You may be right though come on let's get up next to the building." The ground is a little wet here F but you are already wet so I don't think it should matter, at least we are in the corner and we are completely protected from the weather." " Yeah yeah you're right lets just scrunch up close to each other and the wall for heat. I am freezing my everything off, Damn I wish we thought to bring a joint with us, it would certainly make waiting go faster and the cold less noticeable." " Haha and you say I never think ahead." Digging deep in his jeans pocket H produced the fattest joint he'd ever rolled." I guess I was thinking ahead after all. We were out of papers and I didn't have time to go get more, so I used the paper we wrote the plan on and rolled all our weed in one. joint. Pretty cool huh? And you can't prove no premandanation cause we are about to burn the paper." " You know H if you weren't a guy I'd kiss you right now. Come on sit down here real close to me and light that shit up." As the guys sat in the corner in a cloud of smoke talking and laughing and imagining all the wealth they were going to enjoy, they didn't notice the city salt truck roll by spreading the stuff far and wide including landing on the sidewalk. They also didn't notice the freezing temperatures dropping even further down in the Mercury as they drifted off to sleep dreaming of endless cash and all the glory it would bring them.

  The morning sun glaring in his eyes isn't what woke F up, it was the laughter, loud, obnoxious and right above him. Opening his eyes he looks up to see a small group of people standing over them pointing laughing and in general being what F felt was extremely rude. " What is so damn funny, you never see a person sleeping before?" Trying to stand up, F realizes his legs don't work and feel so heavy, looking down he almost screamed in a panic. Sitting Indian style his leg must have fallen a sleep because he can feel nothing but that isn't what panicked him, it was H face down in his lap looking like he wasn't exactly sleeping, panicked and embarrassed F frantically pushes at H. Trying to move him off his lap and wake him up, praying Hank wasn't dead. To F's horror he realizes H is frozen to his pants, not only is H frozen to F's pants but they were both frozen to the ground, the wall and each other making movement next to impossible. While F understood the predicament they were in H in didn't and in his still sleepy haze sat straight up almost leaving a layer of skin behind, but fortunately for H, F's pants were very thin, frozen and ripped easily away exposing a very gray pair of whitie, tighties and causing the gathering crowd to laugh even louder. With trouser scraps stuck to his cheek and a confused look on his face H loudly cries" Whats going on F? What happened?"  Disgusted, cold, wet and mortally embarrassed F answers" We fell a sleep, that's what happened" "No money no fame no good life, just our asses frozen to the sidewalk and I am betting the best case of frostbite ever recorded." "  But but we can still sue for that right?" " No! and judging by the police with handcuffs coming our way we might just be paying them."

Fame without Fortune !

  Having paid the fines, and endured the non stop laughing, F&H walked out of the station thanking their lucky stars it hadn't cost them more than a few bucks and that like all their other not so good ideas it could just be forgotten. It may have only cost a few bucks but it certainly wasn't going to be forgotten. What the two fumbling friends hadn't noticed was the security cameras all over the park. Every nock and cranny was visible with the state of the art cameras set up in the park. 

   Not a single moment of the guys nights adventure was missed. The most played and replayed part of the video besides F and the exploding hose was H dozing off and slowly ever so slowly floating face first down into F's lap as F passed into slumber with his head falling backwards as if in total ecstasy. The 2nd most watched and enjoyed part of the night and mornings events was the approaching Firemen with blow torches in hand. Watching two grown men unstick themselves from the frozen ground in such a manner has to be one of the funniest sights there is to see. It took seconds if that for the guys to free themselves from their frozen prison once they saw the blow torch. The video is still in the police station never to be erased. Having a bad day, go watch the slip and slid tape, you soon will have a better day.

 It Couldn't Happen Any Other Way !

  Grateful to be free and in a hurry to get home and warm the guys didn't notice the stranger following close behind them. So intent on home and dry warm cloths the stranger could have walked right next to the guys and they wouldn't have noticed or cared. It wasn't until they were about to enter the basement door to Grandma's house that F realized they were being followed. Already in a mood and not willing to take anymore crap, F spun around and almost growled out the words" WHAT DO YOU WANT?" 

   Stepping back startled the man managed to stammer out" I am here for the pin." " What pin would that be?" " The the the one my uncle gave you, the other day when he was visiting your Grandma." Oh H has that, but that old man gave it to Hank, why do you want it?" " Because my uncle should never have given it away" " Oh and why is that, it is just an old button with some guys face nobody knows." " Well it is a rare very rare political pin in mint condition worth millions of dollars. My Uncle is a sweet old man that loves to give things away, but his mind isn't all there and he gives things away he shouldn't." I will be happy to reward you very generously if you return the pin to me." " Hey H where's that pin you got the other day?" " H?" " H, answer me, where ya at man?" " Sorry man I was just making some hot chocolate. You want some?" " No, no, quick where's the pin that ole man gave you the other day?" " I don't know, why?" " We just need to find it" " Sorry man I don't really remember where I put it." Think man think, that pin is money in our pockets, we need the pin." " Well I left it on the paper you wrote the plans on" " Then you rolled the jumbo joint with that paper, what did you do with the pin then?" " Nothing, I picked up the paper shook it out and rolled with it."  Running quickly towards the basement door shouting over his shoulder, that the pin must be on the floor then, "Come on H help me look, it has to be on the floor here somewhere."  Both guys stopped short so quickly the stranger almost bowled them over following as closely as he was.The basement, it was clean, not just clean, but spic and span. Nothing looked the same and no where was any of their stuff, no couch or broken comfy cozy chair, no table or paper or crayons, even the TV and stereo were gone. Not a speck of dust was left, the floor shined it was so clean and empty of anything resembling a political pin.

    Standing at the bottom of the stairs confused and a little worried Hank hollered up" Grandma where's all my stuff?" " I threw it all away, bagged it all up and sent it to the dump." After the stunt you pulled today, you're lucky you still got a place to live. And you are getting a job too or you won't have a place to live either." " GRANDMA! what dump did you take it too?" " I didn't some man came by and offered to take all the bags as I was setting them out to the curb. Nice man too, never saw him before but he was nice." 

                    " NOOOOOOOOOO! "