So the title has been chosen.
I wrote it the day he left us. Have I stopped crying ? Nope. Getty left us on March 17, 2021, that was a Wednesday. I normally work that day, I even had gotten a St Paddy's day outfit, but I called out , because I knew without being told what was going to happen that day. I knew we were going to have to say good bye to our friend, our comfort, our love, our baby, our Getty.
Getty is just one of the babies I have loved and had to say good bye too. Or had to play God and let them go. Yes you hear anger in the comment," play God". I don't want to be the one making the choice of life or death. I have been put in that position more then once, and hate the people that helped me to get there.
Getty knew that and gave me peace, at least that is what I want to believe.
Pandora, Pandora was a baby I found in AZ. She was given to me by a person or persons that was/were disappointed in how she turned out. She was the product of a Collie and a Pit Bull, bred with hopes of a fighting dog. Nope she was a runt, pure black, long haired, with webbed feet, and about to be drowned, until I took her home. Jim and I brought her back to Philia where she lived a full and happy life, until suddenly one Sunday in Jan, a Super Bowl Sunday to be exact, she climed up on my bed played ball with me, licked my face, and just relaxed with me in bed. Then with no notice Pandora started puking. Within 5 hours Pandora was gone. Penn University were so good, they revived her so I could say good bye, they helped me deal with what comes next, and even years later let me know the good Pandora did, as students studied her case.
Now more than 20 years later actually closer to 30 years, I am dealing with the same unexplained sudden death of Getty. While Getty hung on a few more days than Pandora, I knew what I was seeing, still I wasn't ready for his sudden and unwanted departure. In between Pandora, and Getty there are others, there is Darron,( my secret favorite) Jason, Max, and the other love of my life Domino. All of them left sooner than I would have liked but in each case there was an actual answer. For Pandora and now Getty there is no real answer, one minute they are playing with you having fun and the next they are just gone.
A week and 2 days later and I still walk into the living room in the morning looking for Getty. I have found myself calling him, making room in my chair for him, even though I do know he isn't here. That last week how many times did I tell him no because he was being a real pain. How many yeses did I miss.
As I sat on the kitchen floor holding Darron, I knew anything and all that could be done had been done, we had had warning and did what we could to fix things. With Jason, and Max the same, we knew for sure that in the world of animals their cancers could not be cured. We buried all 3 boys knowing we had done our best and they had lived great lives.
To this day I wonder what, how or even if I could have done more for Pandora, and I am sure I will always for the rest of my life wonder, what, how, or even if I could have done more for Getty.
I will always wonder, should I have just scooted over and let him on my chair. Don't get me wrong I didn't always say no, many times I scooted , we cuddled and an entire movie would be watched without moving, but still I feel guilty for all the no's . I guess because now I know there isn't anymore time to say yes.
In the beginning of this article I said I was angry about playing God. By that I mean making the choice to end a life. For humans we don't do that but in the word of animals, it is a common practice. Pandora, and Darron both went on their own, both in my lap. Jason, Max, and Domino were in pain and hurting so bad, we were told there was no hope and to allow them to continue to suffer was, well inhumane. We did what we thought was best. After Domino I SWORE I would never make that choice again. Then Getty got sick. Hospital bills for your pet are as costly as our hospital bills, with no insurance to help. Each test, pill, or even bed cost. How can anyone think about money at a time like this? But really you have to. On day 3, after, tubes, blood transfusions, and untold amounts of meds to help him even the DR had given up, and once again Bill and I were left to play God.
We were shown into a private room and Getty was brought in, he was carried gently in, wrapped in warm happy themed blankets. They laid him down on the table in front of us, and quietly backed away. Bill says he saw Getty's tail wag at least once, but I didn't see it, I saw Pandora already gone, I cursed God, cried, and said do what you have too. We were given more time with Getty but he never responded to us. When it was time a young women came in, and began to explain what she was about to do. I was melting into the wall because, I just didn't want to hear it, I had heard it to many times before. Bill asked her to stop explaining and she did. I turned back around to hug Getty as he left us. I can't prove this, but I am going to believe this for the rest of my life. The white liquid meant to calm and relax was administered, but Getty's heart stopped before the pink liquid meant to stop the heart was given. I will always believe Getty took the choice out of my hands .
As I said Getty knew and gave me peace.
Good Bye Getty, I love you and thank you for all the love you gave me.
